Better
by SynfulRegrets
Summary: AU Kaoru's an adict who doesn't care that she can die from her habits. Her friends are worried and put her into an intense rehabilitation center. It’s not until she meets one very opinionated, quiet yet blunt Kenshin that what she's doing sinks in.


Disclaimer: I own it in my dreams. There. Satisfied?!

Summary: Kaoru's an addict and doesn't seem to care that it can kill her. Her friends are worried and have her put into an intense rehabilitation center. There she meets different people, people she feels are much more insane than she will ever be, and after a while it bores her. It's not until she meets one very moody, quiet and blunt Kenshin that the actual horror of what she's doing sinks in. Add a little chemistry between Kenshin and Kaoru and a bit of insults and you have Kaoru's rehab adventures in a bag for your pleasure!!

**Better  
**By synfulregrets

Okay…where do I begin? Most people say that that's a simple question and even have a simple answer. It's always the beginning they say but does it always have to begin there? Fortunately, I'm not most people. Starting at the beginning is so cliché and I hate clichés.

I've been called the rebel, the misfit, the bitch, the loner and so on because I'm not like the norm. I get into trouble for being me and all I have to say to everyone is a nice, big and very emotional FUCK YOU!! It's even meant to be in nice capital letters so no one will get confused.

But back to topic because I like to go on random tangents. I'm a girl and my mind works in mysterious and special ways. I tell you, it's so tiring and men have it easy. Yes, they have it easy. I hate that! I wish I was a guy then things would be easier. Why? No periods, no mood swings, bras, tampons and so on. It's actually a pretty long list.

See? I just went on another tangent! It's endless!

Okay, I need to start this. I won't start at the beginning and I can't start at the end. My story hasn't ended yet, it's still in the middle where all the juicy events happen that are supposed to change my life for the better. Yeah, right. Sure. Pull this leg, it plays jingle bells.

No, I'm going to be me and start writing about now. Yes, I'm in the now, not the then or the will be but the now. Why? Because thinking about the beginning gives me cravings for things I can't have but am dying without. It's bad and I hate it.

So, here I am in a large room that looks like a classroom but is located in a correctional facility or sorts. It's like rehab but a bit more intense. The people in here have serious problems and tons of baggage. My problems pale in comparison to those of the others that I'm currently trapped in a room with. If I were the doctor that's calmly sitting at the desk located near the door I would be scared shitless.

Honestly and truly I would be scared but not only that, I would be insane too. Seeing all these people, hearing some of their problems—notice how I said some—makes me cringe and recoil. I don't know how they do it, maintain their sanity and keep coming back for more, but they do. I'm beginning to think that they too have gone off the deep end, disguising as the ones in charge so they can get all the jell-o before we do but they make good points when we're in groups.

But to the more important things that occurring in the now, someone is dying, dead, barely born, raped, lied to, cheated on, manipulated, robbed, crying, having sex (I crave that so much right now), losing their mind, getting a new job, buying their first car, being accepted into a school of their choice, getting overly priced gas for their car, plotting a prank or someone's demise, being bitched out, starving, rebuilding their life, masturbating, buying a pet, running over an animal and finally, but certainly not least, being betrayed by someone they know. How do I know this? Well, that's how this, my fucked up story, began.

The main characters in this story are a very conniving and sneaky Takani Megumi and her teddy bear fiancé Sagara Sanosuke, a very troubled and drugged up Kamiya Kaoru (that's me), and a very concerned and easily manipulated Machimaki Misao along with her new boyfriend Shinomori Aoshi.

It seems that those two got lucky and found the right men for them while I'm still in the dating circuit waiting for my Mr. Right. I won't get one of course, I might be dead before then so he'll be without his Mrs. Right and that doesn't exactly bother me all that much. I love one night stands and sex too much with different partners to give it up for just one person. That makes me sounds like a whore, which is not what I am, I'm just a druggie and a good one at that.

You know, I hear that there is some new shrink person that's supposed to start tomorrow and I can't wait to see if I can make him snap. The thing about me is that other than my addiction I'm a very intelligent person. I don't say that to stroke my ego or make you think I'm better than you because that's far from it. I know my subjects, the events happening in the world and I'm pretty good at having deep conversations that mean something but I just love drugs too much to give it up and go clean. I do hope this new shrink is at least interesting. I need some amusement.

Oh, do I need amusement and some sex. It's been two months and no sex! None! Do you know what that does to a woman? I'm going to leave here like I'm a virgin. When I get a guy in me it's going to hurt because I'm out of practice. Heh that should be fun. I almost can't wait to get out.

**Kamiya Kaoru**  
Problem: Drug Addiction  
Passion: Writing, sex and music  
Occupation: Writer  
Location: A personal hell

To make this a bit clearer to whoever reads this, this is my Fucked Up Diary.

Perfectly fucked up,  
The one sitting in the third seat of the third row.

* * *

**Two Months Ago**

She was late and she knew it. The only problem between her and a normal person was that she didn't care. No, she didn't give a damn and by the looks of the life she was living, she never would. Why? Because out there, somewhere on the streets of the big city, was the one person who would make it all better. All she had to do was provide some cash and she was given a small pack or nirvana.

Of course she would never hear the end of it from her friends and her publisher because she was beginning to miss deadlines again. She was relapsing and the beauty of it was that she didn't give a fuck. No, she was tired of following the rules. Her rebel heart was too long dormant, hiding away underneath the clean cut cookie cutter costume she was fronting and it was time to thaw out and be one with her again. The time of reckoning was back again and this time no mercy would be shown.

This was by no means new and her friends, the worry some two they were, didn't know what to do. To explain things better one would have to go to the beginning, to the start of the problem, so one could understand the damage that had happened since that little seed had begun to grow.

Yes, that's where it all began, behind the school on a Wednesday afternoon. It was all a dare, peer pressure, but after that one hit, after feeling all weird and light headed and weightless, everything changed. After that no one could stop the damage that was coming, the heartbreak and lies that would tear everything apart but it still didn't make it any better to realize.

That one hit became a few more in the following weeks and by the end of the month it was a daily occurrence. If she didn't get her little high she would go insane, go bonkers and would make it hell for everyone in the vicinity. But, a little high wasn't enough. More was offered and eagerly taken. E, acid, shrooms, meth, heroine; you name it, she tried it. All of it for a simple, euphoric feeling and she didn't regret it. Of course she wouldn't because her mind was somewhere else, somewhere far away, not even in the same universe anymore and wouldn't be for years.

The day it began started seven years of blissful chaos on the lives of everyone around her. She didn't care, she was everywhere and nowhere at all. Still, there wasn't enough available and one day, when it all came to a complete and total stop, she fell to the ground and didn't wake up. For her friends, the ambulance didn't get there fast enough and for the paramedics, they couldn't get her heart to beat once on the ride there.

It almost ended that day, another day of her twenty-first year of life, and it changed things again. Rehab was the first step which lasted longer than she would've thought and was more hellish than she ever imagined. But kicking a habit that was seven years in the making was hard to do, especially in a few months. First it was the cravings, the want to feel more than just the norm and the thrill of possibly getting caught. Also, add the incredible sex that was had during those intense episodes of nirvana. It made letting go almost impossible but she did it.

Or at least she had done it.

There she sat, twenty three year old Kamiya Kaoru, on her couch, higher than any kite could possibly go and wondered why she had been torturing herself by staying away from such a feeling. It had been a year and a half for her, a year and a half of fighting her desires and she was winning. But, the simplest thing, a one night stand had her driving to her old dealer and paying a nice wad of cash to get everything she could right then and there. He provided and she rushed home, locked the door, unplugged her phones and dove right in. Now she was feeling the effects, the lovely effects that the drugs were causing and building within her and she couldn't be happier. Well, add a man that knew what he was doing in bed that kept her craving more and that would make her year.

Unfortunately that kind of man was missing and instead there was a pounding at the door. She heard it and started giggling. It was funny, everything was funny, and when she heard yelling coming from the other end of the door she laughed without reserve. It was the funniest thing, to feel like this and hear sounds and see simple every day things move around on their own. She even had a few conversations with her very own hand when she had attended a friend's party. Of course that hand was soon forgotten when she was carried to an upstairs bedroom and had her world rocked in more ways than one. She really wanted a repeat of that night but wasn't fortunate enough since the following week she was placed into rehab.

Her laughter kept on but it stopped when she heard an ear splitting crack before her door launched forward into the living room. She watched, her eyes huge as things started moving on their own again, feeling so weightless, and then she started laughing again.

Megumi who had been trying to check up on Kaoru when Misao called her and informed her that Kaoru's phone was unplugged, was saddened by the sight her and her fiancé Sano walked in on. Kaoru was there, laughing her head off and located on the table were the remains of what held the drugs Kaoru had consumed. It made both Sano and Megumi angry and worried that it had happened again, the memories of the times that Kaoru was like this all the time still fresh on their minds.

"Sano…" Megumi started but didn't need to finish. He knew exactly what she was thinking as he was thinking the same thing. Kaoru would need to go back into rehab, need to go through the whole process again and maybe this time would be the last time.

"Here," Sano said, snapping Megumi from her thoughts down memory lane, "get the car open and I'll bring her down." He handed Megumi the keys and walked over to Kaoru on the couch. When he picked her up she was lighter than before and it shocked him. He suspected now that Kaoru had been back on drugs longer than any of them knew.

Sano walked down the three flights of stairs it took to get to the car and drove Kaoru to the hospital with Megumi checking her and making sure she wouldn't go into shock or keel over right then and there. They made it, safely enough with a restless and kicking Kaoru who was still having a laughing fit, and had her checked in. Megumi was constantly moving, too anxious to sit down while Kaoru was checked.

"Sano, what are we going to do?"

He looked at her, noticed the lines of worry on her face and felt anger at Kaoru. It was expected to feel like that, to hate her for being so selfish, so stupid and so Kaoru but he stopped and thought about it. She was an addict and even though she was clean for a year and a half, she was bound to relapse. It didn't make it any better but it made more sense. Kaoru was into everything and by everything, it meant she was not one bit picky or discriminating. She had one of those addictive personalities that most would hate to have and he felt more sorry for her than anger towards her.

"We have to put her back into rehab."

The look Megumi gave him then, the surprise, the understanding and the fear made him want to hold her close and hide her away. He wanted to make her forget what was happening to one of her best friends, to make it all better so she could be happier but he couldn't and it hurt to realize that he was helpless. Instead, he did the only thing he could do, he placed her in his lap and held her close. When she started crying he just rubbed her back and whispered that it would be alright in her ear for her to hear. His warmth, presence and embrace were all that he could offer and he would give that to her if it would help her even a little.

"You saw her Sano. What if she doesn't want to go back?" she asked, fear of what was happening to her friend and what would happen if she didn't stop soon. While she could never grasp the idea of why Kaoru was so addicted to drugs, she did know what it was like to want something so bad that you would do whatever it took to get it.

He kissed her forehead before sighing. "We'll have to convince her." He said simply when the actual task of getting Kaoru to go back into rehab would be like World War III but without nuclear bombs but instead a weapon unknown to mankind that was waiting to be unleashed, Kaoru's anger.

Misao and Aoshi came in then and the four got ready to the coming argument that would decide the future of Kaoru's life. As they entered, no one was safe, not even the poor unsuspecting doctor. Luckily, after Kaoru was poked and prodded and yelled at enough, she gave in. Rehab would be her new home for a few more months and after a short but very in depth conversation with her publisher, she would be writing her book again and while she had a lot of catching up to do, she was sure she could do it.

* * *

Well, that's the beginning chapter. It's different from my other stories and I have to say that I like it. There will be a lot of "dark" topics discussed in this so if you don't have it in you to read things that you make it hard for you to sleep at night, look away now. Don't read anymore because I'm in a very dark mood. 

Well, review, tell me what you think and I'll update this one soon. Peace.


End file.
